Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Yup-I want in on that.

Secretary of Agriculture
Washington DC
My friend, Mort Wilson, over at Milton, KS, received a check the other
day for $1000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go
into the "not raising hogs" business.
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best type of farm not
to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to
be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government
policies. I would prefer not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good
breed not to raise, then I can just as easily not raise Yorkshires or
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate
inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
My friend, Mort, is very excited about the future of this business. He has
been rainsing hogs for 40 years, and the most he ever made was $422.00 in
1970, until this year when he got your check for $1000.00 for not raising
If I get $1000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000.00 for not
raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding
myself down to about 4,000 "not raised hogs", which will give me me
$80,000.00 income the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now, another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000
bushels of corn and wheat.I understand that you also pay farmers for not
raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising corn
and wheat not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?
I want to get started not feeding as soon as possible as this seems to be a
good time of year to not raise hogs and grain. I am also considering the
"not milking cows" business, so please send me any information on that also.
In view of these circumstances, I understand that the governement will
consider me totally unemployed, so I plan to file for unemployment and food
stamps. Be assured that you will have my vote in the coming elections.
Rex Childs
P. S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distibute more cheese?

An E-mail I recently recieved

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