Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Pride says: Me, not God

Humble says: God, not me

Pride says:I am my own God

Humble says:I give my self wholly to God,therefore God is me. I accomplish no thing but by God!

Monday, September 25, 2006


From my journal:

I was in the midst of being divorced by my 2nd wife and going through what so many other people go through with the added revelation that there is a God and he does love me. Awesome!!!

There was more written on this day prior to 6 pm but I really wanted to get this part of the day in here.

11/14/96 6:17 PM

That first day I remember was pretty bad.

I just turned on the oven and threw in a frozen pizza.I'm lucky to have the dishwasher it simplifies my life but running it reminds me of Michele and me in our first apt.-no that was 9 months later. Right now I just want something to eat and I don't feel like hand washing the dishes. It's incredible to write with the Lord guiding my hand.

The emotions are powerful, I find myself crying but not from sadness of my situation but the joy of walking so close to a God that I wasn't sure existed. I know now that he does and he is real.

I feel a change. It's the same change in the spirit I get when I am on the move. Only I am not moving. I wonder if she is?

There is an excitement that I get, Going somewhere new. I believe she has a new steady partner. For a time she didn't. I don't know for scientifically sure because I have no communications with her. Just a feeling.

I bet she's cooking again. She is a good cook! Pizza's done.

Old memories are coming back as I sit here in this empty apartment chewing on overdone food and the sting of burning in the palm of my hand as I took it out of the oven just intensifies my sorrow. I'll probably burn the roof of my mouth, I wonder if I'll ever amount to anything.....Ouch! Like I said I would probably burn the roof of my mouth. Old memories.......old memories.

Jan 11 1991,

Ring! Ring! Ring! "Hello! desk clerk" Mr. Err..kkilla,how do you pronounce your name? me, "That's about right, just call me Ron it's simpler that way.desk clerk, "Oh ! Ok Well listen, you have a phone call. It's your wife."
"Oh uh yeah go ahead and put her through, thankyou." "Is this the young lady that checked me in?".... desk clerk,"I don't know. I don't remember." me, Yeah I suppose you check in a lot of people."desk clerk,"Yes." me,"Well thanks I just wanted to let you know I talked to billeting today and they said it is still going to be two weeks so I told them that if it wasn't a problem and they sounded busy that they could take me off of the list because I had settled in and was feeling better about staying off base. I'll be down to pay for the other 2 weeks in a few minutes after I talk to my wife."
Desk clerk,"ok here's your wife." me,"thanks; Hello?, hi Deb how are you? I'm fine I guess pretty bored. Huh? nah I just stay in the room and read, I have cable T.V.. Saturday I went to the Gym and worked out and swim in the pool before I go to work. Yeah it's kind-a-cool lookin around the pool. They have palm trees and stuff. It's been 95 degrees and 95% humidity every day. It's sort of monsoonal. Rains everyday at 4pm like clockwork. Real hard for a little while and then it quits. Huh? Oh I keep some milk and breakfast drink around. It lasts about 4 days. It's quick and convenient. All I have to do is fill up the cooler with ice everyday which under the circumstances is no big deal. It's boring, boring, boring. No I haven't gotten to know anybody yet. How are the kids? Do they miss me? Yeah I guess so. I'm glad they are making friends. Is Jason bothering Jez still. I pray about it and it makes me nervous to be here. I worry about it you know. They're on vacation? Good that makes me feel better. Well I Love you! Let me talk to the kids.

Hi Jez how ya doing? Family is on vacation? Good. I'm glad. Did you see him around before they left? Well you stay away from him! He's headed for a lot of trouble in his life and I don't want you getting caught up in that B.S.you hear? Are you playing ball still. How did you do? You hit an inside the park home run, cool...... Well I'll call next Saturday. Talk to you then, Love ya. Let me talk to Janell.

Hi Janell, how are you. that's good. Have you made any new friends lately. Well that's ok, You will meet some. You're pretty smart and nice and people will like you. Well let me talk to your mom, OK, I love you and miss you."


That's it for a minute I'm crying so hard I can barely see the page. What the ____ did I do. I walked away from the only reason I was in that house and barely shed a tear over it. I missed 5 years of my kids life, and now thinking of my daughters sweet 9 year old voice on the phone......

9:51pm 1996

Just got off the phone with Janell. We talked generalities, I admonished her for not writing more. she told me step dad Al is taking an attitude with Debbie. He got rude to Janell on the phone. I told him in short terse words she was talking with me and he could hang up. I feel the stresses building up in their marriage. I pray for their marriage. Maybe not to sincerely though.

Whoa! Jim Erickson-the name just whizzed through my head. Then Michele's.

Debbie quit Proex and Perkins and took a job at Byerly's.


Ring! Ring! desk clerk,"Hi there, how can I help you?" me,"Hi,I'm sorry it took so long. I was talking to my kids. I miss them.I'm Ron. Rm 209." desk clerk,"That's ok I was kind of busyso your timing is good. me," How much do I owe for the rest of the month? $172.00? Ok thank you. I'm sorry to have been such a bother but things appear to have settled down and it's just as well. I don't like moving after I have kind of gotten used to the place and all. It seems like I've moved so much in my life."........

desk clerk,"There you are sir . Enjoy your stay with us."(I don't think I should be trying so hard, I'm married) me,"Thank you, Have a nice day". desk clerk,"You too". me,"I'm sorry I don't remember your name?desk clerk,"Michele.""Oh ok,... you are being very patient with me. and I appreciate it."I'll ....I'll probably be down from time to time and I prefer dealing with the same person whose familiar with the situation....Bye."
desk clerk,"bye"